In the year 2025 in the halls of the Reich Chancellery, a German soldier was running to an office. when he reached the door he drop kicked it open. “Mine Führer! The Americans are inside Berlin!”
Adolph Hitler, king of Neo-Germany, looked up from his volks desk rapidly. “Mein gott in Himmel! I must escape!” Quickly he ran to his secret underground laboratory. Scientists were running around and conducting scientific experiments. “Active the time machine!” shouted Hitler. Hitler could hear Americans shouting in the tunnel behind him, murdering innocent German scientists and soldiers to satiate their blood lust.
“But mine Führer, the temporal coordinates are not set! You could be sent ANYWHERE!”
“It is irrelevant, fool! I must survive so that National Socialism can continue!” The thoroughly chastised scientist activated the time machine, and Hitler was thrown through time – to 29AD! When Hitler stepped through the portal he saw a beautiful man with blue eyes and a long beard.
“Greetings, my son,” he said. Hitler looked around.
“Where am I?”
“In Israel, my son. Come, have lunch with me. My name is Jesus Christ.” Hitler was instantly amazed. He had been a devout Christian all his life and he was honoured to eat dinner with Jesus. During lunch, Hitler explained the tenets of National Socialism to the Messiah. To his delight, Jesus loved it! Within an hour Jesus was won over to National Socialism. Hitler felt joy in his heart. National Socialism would live again!
While they were talking Hitler found himself checking out Jesus’ tight bod. If he wasn’t Fuhrer of Germany… But he wasn’t Führer anymore, was he? That night when Hitler and Jesus were in bed together Hitler said “Jesus, what do you think of… love between men?”
“What do you mean, Hitler?” Jesus asked. Hitler took a deep breath. He would have to be bold.
“This is what I mean” he leaned over and started Frenching with the Lord. At the same time, he reached down and started tugging on his already turgid member (Christ slept in the buff). Jesus broke off the kiss.
“Hitler I – I don’t know if I can do this. It feels so good, so right, but I’m afraid. I’ve never been with another man before.”
“I’ve never been with a man, either, Jesus. I’m scared, just like you are, but we can’t let our fears rule us! I love you, Jesus. Do you love me?” Hitler’s eyes had tears in them.
Jesus smiled. “Yes, Hitler. I love you.” They embraced. Again, they kissed passionately. Hitler continued to jerk Christ off. When he began to tense up Hitler lowered his head to Christ’s stiff member and caught Christ’s sticky seed in his mouth. There was an incredible amount of it and it splashed everywhere. When Hitler rose up again Jesus locked lips with him. He could taste his own salty semen in Hitler’s mouth, and he didn’t care. Jesus was happy for the first time in his life.
Jesus and Hitler had been living together for almost two years now. They did everything together: go shopping, shower, and have intense fuck sessions with teenage slave bois rented from the local Jewish temple. They were like an old married couple, except for one thing – they weren’t married. Hitler sought to remedy that.
Hitler wrestled Jesus down onto the floor one afternoon and gave the Lord the best blowjob he possibly could, complete with rimming and a stinky pinky. After our saviour blew his load and shared a salty kiss with the Führer he felt something cold slide onto his softening member. Looking down, he saw it: a golden cock ring with the biggest diamond this side of the Nile! “Oh Addy, does this mean what I think it means?” Hitler was too choked up to say anything, but he nodded. Jesus threw his arms around the Aryan hunk. “Oh, Hitler, you’ve made me the happiest girl in the world!” He paused. “But we’ll have to get my father’s permission first – and he doesn’t know I’m gay! We’ll have to go to Heaven to talk to him.” Hitler was confused, but Jesus explained his plan to him and he agreed.
That night they snuck into Pontius Pilate’s palace and started murdering every woman and child they could find. They stole from room to room, crushing skulls and slitting throats until a centurion found a little girl with her brains splattered on the floor and raised the alarm. The Lord and the Führer were soon caught and were taken to Golgotha to be executed. “This way,” explained the Anointed One, “we won’t be committing suicide!” Hitler agreed that it was a good plan.
Soon after they were crucified they both died and ascended to Heaven. There they wend into God’s living room. Jesus started to introduce Hitler but God cut him off. “I know him. He did some good work for me in the future.” He gave Hitler a friendly smile, which made him feel uncomfortable. Jesus spoke: “Dad, we have something to tell you. Hitler and I… Well…” “Go on, son!” “We’re gay and we want to get married!” Jesus blurted out.
“WHAT? That’s IMPOSSIBLE! No son of mine is a homo!” God raised his hand to slap Jesus, but he was crying too hard. “It’s okay, dad, really. Me and Hitler love each other, and we want to spend the rest of our lives together. We came here today because we want your permission to marry.” God sighed. “okay, son. If it’ll make you happy…” He leaned in to give Jesus a kiss on the forehead, but he missed and ended up making out with Jesus. They separated, but it was so hot that they were back at each other soon enough. “Mmph! Oh God, what am I doing?” said God. He tore off his clothes. Hitler was already nude, and Jesus slipped off his toga with a shrug.
They did everything: chain bangs, DP, Eiffeling. God even turned off gravity for even wilder positions and switched genders a few times for laughs. Jesus was a hog and tried to get his father and boyfriend to abuse him with both their schlongs at the same time, but Hitler and God managed to share a few intimate moments. After nearly four hours of wild lovemaking all three gods were exhausted. They lay in a puddly of sweat and semen. Jesus was bruised and bleeding, but his father bought a potion from a local merchant for two gold and healed him. After that he sent the two lovebirds back to Earth to get married in a traditional Jewish ceremony. He was sad to see them go, but he knew that he’d just be a third wheel. He went to his bedroom, turned on the TV, and poured himself a scotch.
One day Jesus was at home knitting when he heard a knock at the door. “Daddy, can I come in?” asked a soft angelic voice. The Savior looked up. His “21” year old adopted son, Jimothy, was at the bedroom door. “Of course, my son. Please come in.” He patted his lap and motioned for his son to sit there, which he did. “Daddy, I have a question… Sometimes my pee-pee gets hard, and when I touch it I feel really good. Am I getting sick?” Jesus Christ chuckled. “No, honey child. You are growing up, becoming a man just like your other father and I. It is a natural impulse for you to feel that when you think about girls.” “But daddy, it doesn’t happen when I think about girls. It happens when I think about boys like Zachariah, Zebidah, and, uh… and you and Daddy Addy.”Oh… Oh my…” Jesus was shocked, but he was also feeling something else, too. Something in his robes. “Daddy, what is touching me?” Jesus suddenly realized that he was fully erect.
“Jimothy, I had no idea that you were a homosexual, but now that you know I think it’s time for me to teach you about making love.” He pushed his son to the floor. His five inch penis jutted from his robes. “Now I want you to-” but he stopped, because his son had already inhaled it and was giving a blowjob almost as good as his other dad’s! “Oh, oh Jimothy!” Jesus shouted as he blasted his semen in his baby boy’s mouth. Before his son could spit his daddy gift out Jesus hauled him to his feet and shared a deep tongue kiss with him.
When they went to go to wash together in the tub, they saw an imposing figure standing in the doorway. “Hitler!” gasped Jesus. The Six foot five figure in the door frame trembled with the titanic rage that is characteristic of his race. “Jimothy. Go to your room.” “but-” “I SAID GO!” The boy scrambled to his bedroom, still dazed from his experience. “Hitler, I’m – I’m so sorry.” Both men were crying now. “Why?” begged Hitler. Jesus couldn’t look his husband in the eye. “Addie… when I was a boy… Joseph did the same thing to me!” Jesus sobbed. “That’s how I was turned gay!”
At first, Hitler froze, not knowing what to say to this revelation. He could see how vulnerable the Lord was at that very moment, though, so he said “C’mere, kiddo,” and gave him a hug “Don’t worry, we’ll get through this… together.” He smooched Christ. “I love you, Jesus. I’ll always love you, no matter what. Jimothy? Jimothy, come here!”
Jimothy came in the room and they all exchanged chaste hugs and kisses, then went out for ice cream.
As evening fell in Jerusalem, the Lord Jesus Christ walked into the living room to find his husband pecking away at the typewriter. “Hitler, will you finally tell me what you’re writing!” The Führer glanced up at Jesus. “I’m writing a new book.” He handed over the stack of completed pages, and the Savior put on his reading glasses and zipped through them in no time. “honey, this is fabulous! But it needs a title. Do you have one yet?”
Hitler leant back in his chair before answering. “So far all I’ve been able to come up with is ‘Mine Kampf 2′, but it’s not very catchy.” “Hmm. One of the kids at the daycare has been saying “bible’ a lot. I bet that would stick out at the bookstore!” He started giving Hitler a back rub. “Mmm, you’ve done a good job. Good jobs deserve good jobs.” His left hand reached around Hitler’s waist and grasped his exposed, engorged member.
But the Lord was too eager for this one-sided pleasure. “I need you inside me,” he announced. Before things could get any hotter, there was a pounding at the door. “Jesus! Jesus, open up! It’s your disciples! We just wanna talk!” Hitler and Jesus exchanged shocked looks. Jesus thought he’d given them the slip at Gethsemane, but they’d finally tracked him down.
After the Führer reluctantly let them in, they crowded Christ. “Lord, we’re going to try something new that’ll fix you.” As the disciples began laying hands on the Lord, he giggled. He was a very sensual person and enjoyed being felt all over, but all the pleasure vanished when Peter shouted: “Lord, we cast the demon of homosexuality out of thee!” As Jesus shrieked, Hitler shoved his way in. “Get the hell out!” he shouted. “Alright, that’s enough! Get out of here, you bigots!”
After more shouting and shoving, the disciples found their butts out on the sidewalk, and although they mumbled and glared angrily at the Führer, they walked off into the darkness. “We’ll pray for you both!” one of the men called out. He went back inside, where the Lamb was laying on the floor, sobbing. “I-I thought that after all this time they’d accept me…” Hitler held him in a tight embrace. “Don’t worry, honey pop. I’m here for you. I love you, and you’re beautiful and wonderful and so damn sexy. You said you wanted me inside you. Well, so do I.” The two men shared a tender kiss.
Hitler and Jesus were slowly walking up the Temple steps. “Hitler, I’m scared. Are you sure this is safe?” The Führer looked him in the eye, and smiled that charming smile of his. “Of course is it, baby. I got it done, and look how healthy I am!” He tousled Jesus’ blond hair and led him up the last few steps. “I really need your help, Jesus. I just elected Nasi of the Sanhedrin and if my new health initiatives don’t pay off I might lose in the next election, so to show everyone how much I trust it my beloved has to get a shot!” When they walked into the court of the moneylenders there was a booth with a sign that said “FREE VACCINE” in Latin and Hebrew.
A man dressed in white with a huge needle stood behind it and held it up when he saw Hitler bring his hubby. The doc laughed insanely as he jammed the needle into the veins of the Lamb, filling him with the mysterious concoction. Jesus sobbed as he felt it burning through him, but he endured. “I’ve taken bigger things”, he said, then winked at Hitler, who giggled. Then, suddenly, it was finished. “Now you are immune to all diseases”, said the doctor.
“Thank you very much”, said the man with the Iron will as he shook the doctor’s hand, but then he noticed that something was wrong. Jesus was moving his head in a weird war and was making strange sounds. Suddenly, he jumped out of his chair and started running around and knocking over the tables of the moneylenders while shouting “den teefs!” Hitler was shocked by this behavior and whipped around to the doctor. “What have you done to my lover!” he screamed, grabbing the doctor by the lapels and lifting him into the air (Hitler was really strong). The doctor could only shake his head, but Hitler knew. It was the vaccine.
After Hitler managed to catch Jesus and drag him home he started crying. He loved the Lord so much, but could they ever live a normal life together now that the Anointed One was turned into a retard? Hitler walked over to his husband and planted a kiss on his luscious lips. Somehow the message got through and Jesus laid back, but when Hitler took off his toga and attempted to penetrate him he kept making weird faces and twitching, making compilation impossible. “Oh Lord, I wish there was some way to fix you!” He embraced Jesus and suddenly his hands started glowing! The glow filled the room and when it faded the messiah was normal again. “Hitler, I can’t believe it. You cured me! You have the power to heal!” “I was given this power by the power of Love”, said Hitler. He looked at Jesus in the eye again. Jesus’ gaze was steady. “Let’s do it,” said Jesus. He laid back down and spread his legs. They made hot love all throughout the night and at the end of it both men were glistening.
At dawn the Führer and the lord watched the sun rise with their arms around each other. “Jesus, I don’t care if I lose the next election. My movement is taking off. I think I could win a seat in the Roman senate, but I can’t do it alone.” Hitler turned to Jesus. “I want you at my side as campaign manager.” Jesus looked up at him. “Hitler, I’ll follow you into hell if you asked.” Hitler grabbed the jug of olive oil from the nightstand. It was going to be a long morning.